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ALMOST BOTTOM

Well today was one of those days that feels like I’ve fallen to bottom of a pit of misfortune. That’s right folks I’m gonna grip now. My cable is off so this was written on Tuesday August 3 and I’m not sure when I’ll be publishing it to my blog. My 4 year old Razr is on it’s last legs evidenced by the occasional blank screen that I’m only seeing because I lost my beautiful Droid. And on the 4th day of working 14 hour days, I go home to change for my next job and emerge to find that my car has been towed for multiple parking violations on the day that my divisional decides to pay us a visit. I now have to go to my family to borrow the money to get my car out of the pound before it is sold at auction… yeah it’s one of the days that I hope I never to see again.

And all of this on the heels of me finally self-publishing the picture book that I’ve working on for so long. There is a lesson in all of this but I’m not sure what it is yet.

Just when I feel that I have hit an all time low one of my coworkers finds out that his best friend’s cousin committed suicide. It kinda puts things in perspective. I mean my problems are still very real but nothing compared to something so tragic. I’m numb and realizing that I still have some control over my life. Perhaps the lesson is to make the best of every situation. I often feel like giving up but never considered ending it all. I’m under a mountain of financial debt of my own making but I still have options and those options along with the love of my family and friends keeps me going. The belief that this gamble, this lifestyle change will pay off soon is the light at the end of my dark tunnel. I can not imagine what compelled that young mother to take her own life but I know that I have so much to look forward for.

Today has been a truly emotional day that I will not soon forget but instead of slowing me down I am re-doubling my efforts. I WILL NOT STOP… until I cross the finish line and even then I will continue to run because that is WHO I am. This was a wake up call that I will not ignore. It’s time to shift into overdrive and pull from my reserves.

To my co-worker, the good soul that I share time with, I say you have my deepest condolences.

Life can be a struggle that we don’t always win but I don’t intend to lose. Not this day. Not tomorrow. Not ever. I will fight until my last breath because I will only see the bottom if I surrender and that is something I don’t know how to do or intend to learn.

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