LOVE

Well this is my first post for this year and it’s all about love and romance. 

I was inspired by a post I saw recently declaring the death of romance. Now at first I thought it was a bunch of bullshit, you know just something one of my friends posted to get the “likes” of bitter heartbroken folks, but after I thought about it I realized it’s true. All you have to do is look on any of the social networks and see an abundance of memes and music reminding you about cheating. 

The emotional need to avoid being played has overtaken the emotional need to be loved, which REQUIRES putting yourself out there and taking risks. No one wants to be in that situation where the object of your affection doesn’t reciprocate or worse, takes advantage of the situation.

As a result, we’ve become so guarded that few people take chances anymore and the few that do, are ridiculed for being corny as the naysayers sit back waiting for the whole thing to blow up so they can say “I told you so.” But the thing these poor bastards will never tell you is secretly, in a small part of their hearts they’re hoping it works because if it can work for you it can work for them.  But they’ll never voice that hope because it’s more about egos these days, how people see you. Hell even I hesitated writing this out of fear that I’d be seen as corny and after a couple of seconds I remembered I’m already seen as corny and frankly don’t give a fuck. 

I was born with a romantic soul, I think we all are and lose it somewhere along the line.  I became somewhat aware of my relationship with romance around the age of 6. That’s right. Growing up in Guyana South America the family of my father’s business partner were close friends with my family. We shared many outings where my sister and I played with the kids our age, a boy and a pretty little girl by the name of Simone McConnel, an older woman of at least 8. Now, of course, at that tender age, I had no clue what romance or love was but I knew I always wanted to be close to her and didn’t pass up a chance to impress her despite the fact her father owned two horse sized great danes that were strong enough to ride. Yes ride… like a pony, that dog’s face was like the size of my young torso and could eat me up in one sitting.

Anyway, my parents would throw a great big party at the end of the year to celebrate the Christmas season, their anniversary, my father’s birthday and I think Boxing Day. I remember as a kid it was a massive party with what seemed like a thousand people coming and going. Remember I was a kid so it was probably more like 60 to 80 people but huge non-the-less.   

During the last party we had like this I found myself in a cubby hole under my father’s workbench with Simone, we might have been playing hide and seek or something and I leaned in and kissed her. I felt instantly drunk, warm all over blurred vision and everything went red. I didn’t have the chance to enjoy the moment since an older girl, a cousin or aunt of mine discovered us and started teasing me. I don’t know where I found a cricket or even if it was a cricket but I found a bug and proceeded to chase her all around the grounds.

Despite the teasing and embarrassment of being discovered all I could remember was the feeling and knowing if I had to do it again I WOULD, in a heartbeat. The next year we moved to New York and I never saw Simone again. No one knows how fate works but I do believe that if we had stayed I may have married that young woman. Ok, ok that may be a bit of an exaggeration but the FEELING, that MOMENT remains even today as if burned into my very being and that is when I knew I would be a fool for love, a slave to love for the rest of my days.

IS LOOKING LIKE A FOOL SO BAD THAT YOU WOULD MISS OUT ON THE CHANCE FOR LOVE?

It’s sad, I meet so many people, especially young people that have given up on love and think it’s just a plot device in a movie or for suckers because fidelity doesn’t exist. It’s recurring theme in music, social media, TV…  why chase something you can never maintain? Why take a chance on something that will not end well unless you’re the one that cheats first of pulls out first? 

That’s the feeling I get from people and I don’t really understand. I mean don’t get me wrong I know from experience that love is the greatest high your psyche can achieve and the pain of heartbreak feels like a part of you is dying a painful death which never gets easier but I would never trade away that pain if it meant I’d also lose the joy.

And yes that shit is corny but it is life. This existence is all about the Yin and Yang of joy and pain, they come together, a package deal and you can decide to avoid one but you’ll miss out on the other and what kind of life is that? No life for me I tell you. I leap, and fly and fall and am destroyed and stand up, heal and do it all over again because nothing beats that feeling when she makes your spirit soar. 

PLAYING GAMES IS NO WAY TO WIN.

I know so many people playing games because they think they have to. We think high school ends when we graduate but it’s all around us. Adults acting like children, out of fear they may get hurt or afraid they may look vulnerable so they cover up true feelings and complicate things further.  That coupled with the fear of being alone is a recipe for an emotional disaster as single people learn the new rules of engagement is all about how you play the game instead of how you love, or express that love which at the end of the day IS romance.

It’s a vicious cycle as one person thinks they have to play, the other realizes it’s a game and plays and the complication begins. 

Despite the fact that I’m not currently in a relationship and don’t have children I’ve been fortunate to experience love more than once. It’s this addictive feeling that rules me and fuels my resolve which will never allow me to settle.  You see I don’t believe in games and I’m not afraid to be alone. You can’t be. That’s how you know that you REALLY want to be with a person versus just avoiding being alone.

I recently had a debate with my best-friend about why we think they’re so many lonely people out there that just can’t seem to find each other. I’m not sure HOW we got on the topic of ME, (she worries about me) but she thinks I’m too picky, too judgmental and she might be right, but having been there I know what I’m looking for and don’t really trust anyone that is NOT judgmental about people they will allow into their lives; people that they’re considering sharing their lives with. 

Now, I’m not looking for perfection or even to recreate some emotional memory from a childhood kiss but after you find out a few things about a person you need to make up ya mind if you’re gonna take it further and stick with it, I mean that’s what dating is right? Realizing what you need and want as well as what you don’t; what deal-breakers are important to you. 

Although I’m selective the other side of the coin is my total spontaneity as I act on my feelings, wearing my heart on my sleeve. I was having a conversation with a German friend over lots of strong German beer and as I was telling her how emotionally courageous I was, going around seizing the day wreaking havoc on my heart (this usually works to impress) she blew me away with a short simple statement. “So how is that working out for you?” Now I don’t know if she was just asking a question or challenging the efficiency of how I navigate relationships, but it sobered my ass up and made me think.  

THE QUESTION

I mean yeah, I believe in love and all that but I have no plan, I go completely on feelings because I believe that’s how it works, but what if I’m wrong, what if I’ve always been wrong? 

That my friends is the question everyone has to deal with. Well except for those fortunate few that find what they’re looking for in each other… those bastards. 

I think if you talk to these seemingly “perfect” couples you’ll find that there is a lot of compromise, give and take, open communication but also knowing what to hold back. These are all things we’ve either heard about of read about but I believe it’s the building blocks of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. And for me the these building blocks need to be on a foundation of feelings, and emotions that I’ve been lucky to find a few times but until I’m convinced I’m doing it wrong I’ll maintain. 

May you all find love.